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| Another "Daily Om" that definitely hits home right now.
August 18, 2009
Honoring Life Changes
The Wisdom of Fear
Fear almost always comes alongside anything worth doing in your life. For example, having a baby, getting married, changing careers—all of these life changes can bring up deep fears. It helps to remember that this type of fear is good. It is your way of questioning whether you really want the new life these changes will bring. It is also a potent reminder that releasing and grieving the past is a necessary part of moving into the new.
Fear has a way of throwing us off balance, making us feel uncertain and insecure, but it is not meant to discourage us. Its purpose is to notify us that we are at the edge of our comfort zone, poised in between the old life and a new one. Whenever we face our fear, we overcome an inner obstacle and move into new and life-enhancing territory, both inside and out. The more we learn to respect and even welcome fear, the more we will be able to hear its wisdom, wisdom that will let us know that the time has come to move forward, or not. While comfort with fear is a contradiction in terms, we can learn to honor our fear, recognizing its arrival, listening to its intelligence, and respecting it as a harbinger of transformation. Indeed, it informs us that the change we are contemplating is significant, enabling us to approach it with the proper reverence.
Writing down whatever comes up—your worries, your sadness, your excitement, your hopes—is a great way to learn about yourself through the vehicle of fear and to remember that fear almost always comes alongside anything worth doing in your life. | | |
| Is it really 10 days into August already? Damn...why does summer always seem to be the fastest season to pass....even when you don't get a summer break! Of course, the weather in SoCal has been nothing short of gorgeous! Unfortunately I haven't made much time to take advantage of it. Most of my time over the past two months has been geared towards ophthalmology research, rotation, and residency applications. Hopefully the application part will be completed in the next 1-2 weeks and then I'll get a weekend to quickly celebrate before heading off to NY for 4 weeks, back for one weekend for Josh & Claudia's wedding, and then off to UC Davis for 2 weeks.
I've been so excited for all of this to happen...getting the application out, traveling and seeing what other programs are like, and heading towards the next stage of my career/life. But....now that it's really starting to get rolling, my excitement is starting to wax and wane...mixed with worries that I'll be...disappointed =\
What if what I'm hoping for really won't pan out to all it's dreamed up to be?
The biggest issue I'm having doubts with at the moment is where I want to be for the next 4 years. Ever since deciding to stay at UCLA another 4 years for grad school, I began longing and hoping to go far far away for residency. And today as I was sitting down to finally start writing down my list of prospective ophtho programs to apply to, I began having major doubts. The more I've been exposed to the ophtho program at UCLA, working with the great attendings and residents, and thinking about what really is important to me...maybe staying at UCLA 4 more years would actually be a dream come true! Maybe being "on my own" in a new city with barely any support system isn't all it's cracked up to be. Maybe what I was hoping for by going away was more fantastical than any reality could manifest.
All in all, no matter where I end up and how my indecision fluctuates, I've realized I was being ridiculous in thinking that I wouldn't be happy with another 4 years of training at UCLA, simply for the fact that it's where I've been for the past 8 years of my education.
What was I thinking?? I'll be happy to get into any residency that wants me! :)
Time to rest my sleepy eyes.
Leaving you with a "Daily Om"...recently re-started my subscription to this sometimes cheesy but nonetheless interesting website of inspirational thoughts:
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The Direction Of Happiness
Leaving A Relationship One of the hardest decisions we ever make in life is leaving a long-term relationship that just isn’t working. When attempts at repairing and working out issues aren’t working, it may be time to examine moving on. We are emotional creatures, and when our heartstrings are tied to those of another, separating from that person can feel like an act of courage. It is not something most of us will take lightly, and many of us will struggle with our desire to stay in a relationship that is unfulfilling simply in order to avoid that pain. We may question whether the happiness we seek even exists, and we may wonder if we might be wiser to simply settle where we are, making the best of what we have.
On the one hand, we almost relish the idea that true happiness is not out there so that we can avoid the pain of change. On the other hand, we feel within ourselves a yearning to fulfill our desire for relationships that are vital and healing. Ultimately, most of us will follow this call, because deep within ourselves we know that we deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy, no matter where we find ourselves in this moment, and we are all justified in moving, like plants toward the light, in the direction that leads to our greatest fulfillment. First, though, we may need to summon the courage to move on from the relationship that appears to be holding us back.
Taking the first steps will be hard, but the happiness we find when we have freed ourselves from a situation that is draining our energy will outshine any hardship we undergo to get there. Keeping our eyes trained on the horizon, we begin the work of disentangling ourselves from the relationship that no longer fits. Every step brings us closer to a relationship that will work, and the freedom we need to find the happiness we deserve.
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| Eat well. Stay active. Study hard. Work harder.
Rest.
and get my apps in by August 15th.
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| BEYOND EXCITED!!!!!!
In nearly a month I'll be doing an away rotation in NYC (and then Norcal after that)!! :)
If you happen to be in the area or nearby, we MOST DEFINITELY need to meet up!
Here's my schedule for the upcoming months:
07/13-07/31: Research @ UCLA
08/03-08/21: Ophtho rotation @ UCLA
08/25-08/30: Flying into JFK @ 4pm EST and free to hang out all week!!
08/31-09/11: Ophtho rotation @ NYU
09/12-09/15: FREE TO HANG OUT IN NY!
09/16-09/17: Resting in LA
09/18-09/20: Driving up to Norcal and free to hang out!
09/21-10/02: Ophtho rotation @ UC Davis
Once I fly home from NY I'll have a few days to recuperate before driving up to Davis to do a 2-week rotation. Mark and whoever else is in NorCal, can we visit every food place that I love...and MoRE?? :) This includes Sushi House, Cheese Board, and the "Asian Ghettos" (I love a tasty bargain!)
Alright...gotta come down from my high for a bit and get to research.
SO EXCITED THO! :) :) :)
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| My first official xanga posting after a 3 year hiatus
So in keeping with my rambling thoughts…my first entry will be just that…random tidbits =P: 1. I have a new baby! A beautiful, healthy, sleek new BLACKBERRY TOUR!...thanks to my brother who has expensive taste and is up-to-date on the latest and greatest gadgets. We both strolled into the verizon store this afternoon to upgrade our phones. Since I subsequently spent the rest of my day driving in LA traffic, cleaning, and working on that darn personal statement…I have yet to fully explore all the features of my beautiful, new toy. If you have a blackberry, contact me for my pin! :) 2. 1ST DRAFT OF PERSONAL STATEMENT COMPLETED! 3. So happy for my buddy Chris who is having the best time visiting family in Saigon! Before we know it, he’s gonna get a Vietnamese wife, have 3 kids, and invite us to visit him at his permanent residence in Saigon! Can’t wait ;) 4. Congrats to my favorite co-worker, Odetters! The celebratory BBQ was wonderful..especially b/c it was fully-stocked with a taco man! :) The few pictures I took will be uploaded once I get my camera from home...forgot it on the kitchen counter 'cuz I was taking pictures of breakfast :(
5. Favorite songs right now: Marques Houston – “Sunset” Ne-Yo – “Nobody” Black Eyed Peas – “Alive” Alicia Keys – “Wreckless Love” 6. A full week of research, apps, and CK studying (hopefully =\)…which reminds me…time to review the anatomy of the eye for surgery (observation ;)) tomorrow.
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